I was about to go sleep at midnight when I received The Call. Her friend faltered on the phone and asked if I was at home. She wondered whether she could come by my place to drop my sister who was as pissed as a newt and totally unconscious. This sounds quite familiar to me. It is not the first time I have ever experienced such incidents. It’s just that today, I have zero tolerance for this.
I love my sister – so much that I think I’ve spoiled her. And so have my parents. We unintentionally let that smart and talented princess ruin her life. Slowly. She is wasting her youth and aptitude into drinking, smoking, running around, falling for unworthy guys and getting broken-hearted. She doesn’t seem to know how to get her act together to do anything – even just to take care of herself. She is 24 – only one year younger than I am. We have spent almost every day in past two decades together but somehow still managed to grow apart from each other. There are days and times when I feel as if I lost her completely. We might have given her too much freedom. More than it should be. She can’t be influenced, let alone controlled. Quite often she shows a flagrant disregard for other people including us – her beloved family who care about her deeply. Her attitude can be described as curt and disrespectful. She is overly proud and arrogant and stubborn when it comes to taking advice from others. She simply shuts everybody out. She only hangs out with those who have the same interest in drinking and talking gibberish. She hates anything serious. She distances herself from any family affairs or issues. She can’t be bothered. She lives in her own shell and enjoys her comfort zone without knowing that she is drifting on a self-destructive path.
My friend told me that I was not allowed to abandon her or to give up on her. Trust me. I never quit, especially for the ones I love. He has no idea how much effort I put into restructuring my sister and how much support in all aspects of life I gave her to date. I’ve thrown myself heart and soul for her. I’ve been present in every step of the way. I fed her. I cleaned her. I taught her. I talked to her. I shared with her. What else can a big sister do? And it bites me harshly when I come to realise that maybe I’ve done too much of her part that she never feels the need to do anything. She is getting used to being taken care of. She is fully aware that she always has an oasis to reach to whenever she is in a tight corner. To her, life is pretty easy and simple so why worry? It’s me and my family who disable her and make her a handicapped young adult. Love does not always lead you to do the right things. Love blinds you.
I was foolish.